Tuesday, March 31, 2015

I exist. I matter. My journey back into self awareness.

I'm making it a mission to post more pictures of myself.
I will try to be less critical. This is my blog.
This is my journey.

There's more to me than being a mom.

I think I had forgotten that. Day in, day out I'm consumed by 2 gorgeous, yet quite demanding, little girls. Almost everyday I wake up, put on my yoga pants and baggy shirt in preparation for another day as a full time mom. Now that my girls are a little older and pretty much self sufficient (for the most part) I'm finding windows of opportunity where I can have time for myself. For the first few years of mommy hood taking time to straighten my hair or put makeup on was a luxury and done only if it was really, really necessary. For the first few years I was in survival mode: feed the kids, change the kids, bathe the kids, play with the kids. There were many a times where I showered only once a week because I had no one around during the days and I was too exhausted and fell asleep with my girls at night. This is not a boohoo story. It was just my reality for a time. I willingly gave up myself, literally gave all of me, to and for my babies.  Now, 5 years later, I'm ready to take back some of that time that was once allotted for only them. I make sure to wake up early enough to fix my hair and my face. I'm trying to make it a point to wear more than just yoga pants and sneakers (this is a tough one for me). 

I'm realizing that while this blog was initially intended as a mommy journal of sorts--it has evolved into something so much more. It's been a stepping stone into bringing me out of my mommy shell and back out into reality. I'm no longer looking at the world and everyone in it from inside the comfort of my own personal bubble. I'm slowly stepping out and reconsidering my existence in the world as more than a mom but also as a writer, a creative spirit, a traveler, an adventure junkie, an aspiring blogger, and hundreds of other characteristics and traits that make me who I am.  

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a mom-nothing has fulfilled me more in my life! However, there is more to me than that. I think the universe is slowly pulling me, showing me, telling me that it's time to keep moving on my journey. Life doesn't stop at being a mom. My passions haven't evaporated into thin air. I simply pushed them to the side for a while and now I'm ready to bring them back to the forefront. It's going to be a tough adjustment, but I need to practice sharing my time between domestic life and office work.  I have so much to do, to accomplish, to prove to myself. 

At the end of the day, this is my life. This is my blog. This is my journey. It makes sense that this blog is ultimately, the journey of me. I'm ready to put myself back out there.  I will face my fears. I will work towards success, but be equally proud of my failures. I will post more selfies on Instagram, no matter how critical I am of my pictures. I will reactivate my Facebook. I will no longer hide behind my kids.  We will co-exist in the front lines together because I matter, too. This is my journey from self loathing (my teens) to selfless (as a mom) to self aware (right here, right now). Welcome to the journey of me!     


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