Saturday, February 21, 2015

My First Worst Day of 2015

Yesterday was a terrible, terrible day.

Everyone has days like these every now and again: where everything that could possibly go wrong, does! It didn't help that I was pms-ing or that both my kids have been sick (and naggy and clingy and moody and not at all their usual happy, energetic selves) for the last week.

So the day began where I really couldn't get myself to clean up our messy home as I had planned...instead I made myself a cup of coffee and began to read (a favorite past time) "The Fault in our Stars." By 10 am I had already choked up twice and by 10:16 I was choked up with tears welled up in my eyes and a developing migraine (possibly caused from all the chaos my kids were creating while I tried to simultaneously contain it and tune it out while still reading).

Alas, I put the book down and began folding laundry. Exhausted from crying excessively and without reason (other than just feeling under the weather), Darya passed out on the couch next to me while I folded.

Lily insisted she was well enough for gymnastics and since she had already missed a week of school and her fever was gone, I obliged. Two hours later, 'sleeping' Darya was now awake and back to being a 'crying' Darya as I rushed to get them dressed and out the door. They were both fast asleep when I arrived, five minutes late, to gymnastics class.

Darya, a social butterfly, ran inside as though she hadn't spent the better part of the day crying her eyes out for God knows what. Lily, however, changed her mind about gymnastics after all and decided to cling to me while moaning and groaning in my ear as we sat together on the bleachers.

I suppose everything I've written sounds like a normal, mundane, mommy day, but it wasn't. It was actually far from it!

My kids are--on a normal non-sick day--self sufficient, coherently speaking, peacefully playing, happily co-existing, little big kids. On this day (Day 9 of being sick for Darya and Day 5 for Lily) I had had it! I just couldn't bear to hear "Mommy, mommy, mommy" for the gazillionth time in their whiny, pouty voices one more time! Their over the top demands, "I want this, I want that, I want it!" Their constant need to be carried everywhere around the house. I WAS TIRED!

The tension building up inside me was like a thick, white, cloudy fog--blurring my vision, chilling my bones, and my patience was way past running thin.

There was too much throwing up in one week, way too many tears shed, way too many demands for this--at her wit's end--mommy to bear. My emotions had exploded inside me and thus, I was experiencing my first WORST DAY EVER of 2015!

I suppose I did what any mom would do: I just rolled with the punches.

I yelled and screamed. Told quite a lot of people off...IN MY HEAD (and a tiny bit in real life).

But, once (Jesus, finally! I thought the day would never end) I put the kids to sleep, I went into my own bed, pulled the covers over my head and just cried-A LOT.

I cried for too many reasons to count. For years and years of mistakes and memories. I recounted all my life's regrets. I sobbed into my pillow, releasing all my pent up pain. With each tear I felt lighter, I saw clearer.

When I was all cried out (over my own trials and tribulations) I picked up "The Fault in our Stars" and read (while crying over someone else's trials and tribulations) until there were no more pages left.

Sometimes, even grown ups just need a good cry.

*Note to self: Do not read a super sad book when your having a super bad day*

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