Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Happy 5th Birthday, Lily!

My Dear Lily,

Around this time 5 years ago you burst into this world angry and with a vengeance. You kicked and screamed, wailing at the Gods with the most powerful lungs, I wondered if it was all real or the drugs had kicked up my senses and I was imagining the chaos surrounding me. Then my doctor looked up with bewildered eyes and exclaimed, "WHAT IS GOING ON?!" It was then that I knew my life would never be the same. My baby was born, she was kicking up a storm, and everyone in the room was running around on high alert tending to her screams.

From day one you were strong and defiant. You came out with your head held high, turning your neck from left to right, taking it all in: this new world, your chosen life. You observed, you learned, and you were ON TO THE NEXT THING. My beautiful, independent, Aquarius baby. As soon as you learned to crawl you were focused on walking. The second you began to walk you were mastering the art of running. This has been your personality from the get go.

I call you my little big girl because that's exactly what you are. You have always behaved older than your age. At 9 months old you ran circles around the 2 year olds at the playground. Your energy was exhausting but your point of view on life, your perspective in situations was educational for me. I understood you when no one else did. Maybe it's because I'm your mom and that's my job but I feel like I get you. While others only see the picture in black and white, I see you in full color. The opposite of your sister, you don't try and explain yourself and your actions through words. You automatically expect everyone to see life the way you see it. Your lack of explanation has sometimes gotten you into trouble and it has often times broke my heart--seeing you so wounded.  We can't choose who we are nor can we change.  There's no reason why you would want to because you, my dear sweet Lily, are beyond exceptional.

Your heart is so good and pure and giving. You are the best big sister and the perfect daughter. I am so proud of you. You are smart and enthusiastic, social yet withdrawn. Left handed like your mommy, you have a creative side that is brilliant and amazing. You can go off to a corner and quietly work on your puzzles or your drawings for hours on end.

You love to help Daddy cook. You oblige in helping mommy clean.

You enjoy playing with your sister while nurturing and reprimanding, forgetting that you are only 15 months older.

Your smile is my sunshine. You're dimpled cheeks, your mouth spread open revealing tiny toddler teeth. Your happy, mischievous eyes, full of tricks and schemes, always silly, always alert. You hardly ever cry. So when you do, I'm overwhelmed with emotions beyond my capacity to even explain how badly I want your tears to stop. How far I would go to make your world a happy place again.  

I wouldn't change a thing about you. I must be the luckiest person in the world for God to have blessed me with such an amazing spirit and soul. I know you love me, you tell me all the time. I only hope that in the years to come, you will continue to keep me near, let me be your best friend as well as your mother. In your young age, I know that I am your everything. I am your guide. I am creating your life's path. I am your teacher. I just want you to know that there are so many things I have learned from you in these last 5 years. So many things you have opened my eyes to.

I can't even imagine what life's adventures await you in the years ahead. I only pray that you live a long and healthy life, that you are lucky, that you are wise.

I love you with all my heart. I don't know how I existed without you in my life all these years. But I must have done something right, somewhere, for God to have blessed me with you! You are the greatest gift I have ever received. When I tell you that "I love you so much" you always interject with a crazy amount of numbers to calculate the extent of your love. Well, since this is my letter to you, I get the last word, and "I love you ten thousand, five hundred, 2 million and seventy three!" (times infinity!)

Happy Birthday my honey bunny, my silly Lily, my Lil'Bil, my hercules!  


  1. I started crying as I was half way through this post. Just love the way you write Ladan. Happy birthday to our dearest Lily.