Saturday, February 21, 2015

My First Worst Day of 2015

Yesterday was a terrible, terrible day.

Everyone has days like these every now and again: where everything that could possibly go wrong, does! It didn't help that I was pms-ing or that both my kids have been sick (and naggy and clingy and moody and not at all their usual happy, energetic selves) for the last week.

So the day began where I really couldn't get myself to clean up our messy home as I had planned...instead I made myself a cup of coffee and began to read (a favorite past time) "The Fault in our Stars." By 10 am I had already choked up twice and by 10:16 I was choked up with tears welled up in my eyes and a developing migraine (possibly caused from all the chaos my kids were creating while I tried to simultaneously contain it and tune it out while still reading).

Alas, I put the book down and began folding laundry. Exhausted from crying excessively and without reason (other than just feeling under the weather), Darya passed out on the couch next to me while I folded.

Lily insisted she was well enough for gymnastics and since she had already missed a week of school and her fever was gone, I obliged. Two hours later, 'sleeping' Darya was now awake and back to being a 'crying' Darya as I rushed to get them dressed and out the door. They were both fast asleep when I arrived, five minutes late, to gymnastics class.

Darya, a social butterfly, ran inside as though she hadn't spent the better part of the day crying her eyes out for God knows what. Lily, however, changed her mind about gymnastics after all and decided to cling to me while moaning and groaning in my ear as we sat together on the bleachers.

I suppose everything I've written sounds like a normal, mundane, mommy day, but it wasn't. It was actually far from it!

My kids are--on a normal non-sick day--self sufficient, coherently speaking, peacefully playing, happily co-existing, little big kids. On this day (Day 9 of being sick for Darya and Day 5 for Lily) I had had it! I just couldn't bear to hear "Mommy, mommy, mommy" for the gazillionth time in their whiny, pouty voices one more time! Their over the top demands, "I want this, I want that, I want it!" Their constant need to be carried everywhere around the house. I WAS TIRED!

The tension building up inside me was like a thick, white, cloudy fog--blurring my vision, chilling my bones, and my patience was way past running thin.

There was too much throwing up in one week, way too many tears shed, way too many demands for this--at her wit's end--mommy to bear. My emotions had exploded inside me and thus, I was experiencing my first WORST DAY EVER of 2015!

I suppose I did what any mom would do: I just rolled with the punches.

I yelled and screamed. Told quite a lot of people off...IN MY HEAD (and a tiny bit in real life).

But, once (Jesus, finally! I thought the day would never end) I put the kids to sleep, I went into my own bed, pulled the covers over my head and just cried-A LOT.

I cried for too many reasons to count. For years and years of mistakes and memories. I recounted all my life's regrets. I sobbed into my pillow, releasing all my pent up pain. With each tear I felt lighter, I saw clearer.

When I was all cried out (over my own trials and tribulations) I picked up "The Fault in our Stars" and read (while crying over someone else's trials and tribulations) until there were no more pages left.

Sometimes, even grown ups just need a good cry.

*Note to self: Do not read a super sad book when your having a super bad day*

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Happy 5th Birthday, Lily!

My Dear Lily,

Around this time 5 years ago you burst into this world angry and with a vengeance. You kicked and screamed, wailing at the Gods with the most powerful lungs, I wondered if it was all real or the drugs had kicked up my senses and I was imagining the chaos surrounding me. Then my doctor looked up with bewildered eyes and exclaimed, "WHAT IS GOING ON?!" It was then that I knew my life would never be the same. My baby was born, she was kicking up a storm, and everyone in the room was running around on high alert tending to her screams.

From day one you were strong and defiant. You came out with your head held high, turning your neck from left to right, taking it all in: this new world, your chosen life. You observed, you learned, and you were ON TO THE NEXT THING. My beautiful, independent, Aquarius baby. As soon as you learned to crawl you were focused on walking. The second you began to walk you were mastering the art of running. This has been your personality from the get go.

I call you my little big girl because that's exactly what you are. You have always behaved older than your age. At 9 months old you ran circles around the 2 year olds at the playground. Your energy was exhausting but your point of view on life, your perspective in situations was educational for me. I understood you when no one else did. Maybe it's because I'm your mom and that's my job but I feel like I get you. While others only see the picture in black and white, I see you in full color. The opposite of your sister, you don't try and explain yourself and your actions through words. You automatically expect everyone to see life the way you see it. Your lack of explanation has sometimes gotten you into trouble and it has often times broke my heart--seeing you so wounded.  We can't choose who we are nor can we change.  There's no reason why you would want to because you, my dear sweet Lily, are beyond exceptional.

Your heart is so good and pure and giving. You are the best big sister and the perfect daughter. I am so proud of you. You are smart and enthusiastic, social yet withdrawn. Left handed like your mommy, you have a creative side that is brilliant and amazing. You can go off to a corner and quietly work on your puzzles or your drawings for hours on end.

You love to help Daddy cook. You oblige in helping mommy clean.

You enjoy playing with your sister while nurturing and reprimanding, forgetting that you are only 15 months older.

Your smile is my sunshine. You're dimpled cheeks, your mouth spread open revealing tiny toddler teeth. Your happy, mischievous eyes, full of tricks and schemes, always silly, always alert. You hardly ever cry. So when you do, I'm overwhelmed with emotions beyond my capacity to even explain how badly I want your tears to stop. How far I would go to make your world a happy place again.  

I wouldn't change a thing about you. I must be the luckiest person in the world for God to have blessed me with such an amazing spirit and soul. I know you love me, you tell me all the time. I only hope that in the years to come, you will continue to keep me near, let me be your best friend as well as your mother. In your young age, I know that I am your everything. I am your guide. I am creating your life's path. I am your teacher. I just want you to know that there are so many things I have learned from you in these last 5 years. So many things you have opened my eyes to.

I can't even imagine what life's adventures await you in the years ahead. I only pray that you live a long and healthy life, that you are lucky, that you are wise.

I love you with all my heart. I don't know how I existed without you in my life all these years. But I must have done something right, somewhere, for God to have blessed me with you! You are the greatest gift I have ever received. When I tell you that "I love you so much" you always interject with a crazy amount of numbers to calculate the extent of your love. Well, since this is my letter to you, I get the last word, and "I love you ten thousand, five hundred, 2 million and seventy three!" (times infinity!)

Happy Birthday my honey bunny, my silly Lily, my Lil'Bil, my hercules!  

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Daddy & Daughter Date

Last weekend my husband and my daughter had their first Daddy & Daughter date.

Naturally, I was on cloud nine over the whole thing.

I was having a I need to be alone to clean (cleaning is a form of meditation for me) and gather my thoughts and I can't be bother to get dressed and go anywhere kind of day.  My husband took the girls to my mom's for lunch and to also hang out with my brother who was also visiting for the day. A few hours later, on their way back home, my husband called to see if he could pick me up and we could all go to our favorite sushi restaurant for dinner.  Of course I declined the offer as I was still in my pj's and still knee deep in cleaning.

About ten minutes later my husband walks in through the door happy as can be and giddy with excitement, yet there was no sign of our loud, squealing kids trekking behind him.

"Where are the girls?" I ask. Wide eyed and confused.
"Darya fell asleep on the drive here and Lily is still in the car waiting for me."
"Okay." I say. Still wondering why he is so happy.
"Lily wants to have a Daddy date with me. When you said you didn't want to come and Darya fell asleep she asked if just me and her can go to Kabuki and have a Lily and Daddy day. Just the two of the us!"
"That is so cute, honey." I smiled.
"Do you mind? Is it okay if we go?" He asked.
"Of course not! Go! That is the cutest thing. I love that." I responded.

And so, I kissed one happy Daddy and one happy Daughter before taking a sleeping Darya out of the car, so they can head out to enjoy a couple hours of alone time together.

You know what I love most about this story? The fact that my husband was more excited over Lily's request to hang out with him alone than probably Lily was when he said yes. He was beyond ecstatic. The fact that he felt bad leaving me and worried that Darya would be sad when she woke up was also very sweet.
When they got back, my husband told me that Lily commented a couple times about how nice and quiet it was without Darya and had asked if they can do this again.

I've read that it's important for parents to try and spend quality alone time with each of their kids individually as often as they can. I guess Lily is getting old enough to want that and that she is recognizing her identity as something separate than always being with her sister. It's hard as a parent of two so close in age to remember that. I'm glad she is confident and comfortable enough to express her needs to us-- and smart enough to already be aware of them!

In the end, Lily and Daddy had a great night together and got takeout for Darya and I.
All hearts were happy and every stomach full.
The End.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

If Happiness is Winning the Lottery..then Jackpot!

Becoming a parent is a revelation.  An eye opening, life changing, often times gut wrenching, always remarkable, revelation. To say that I've given up my life to raise my girls couldn't be further from the truth, because they have given me a new life--far better than the one I was living before! To say that everything I have done has been for them is also a half lie, because I do all those things that they enjoy for my self enjoyment as well. If it brings me happiness to have a picnic at the park with my girls, than I'm not just doing it for their sake, I'm also doing it for mine. 

Their happiness makes me happy.

Since I've become a wife and a mom I've experience a happiness I never knew existed, but I've also become much more emotional. I've let my guard down. I feel everything. I cry. I laugh. I love wholeheartedly, without fear or skepticism.

Lily (right) and Darya (left)
Recent Preschool Pictures
Yesterday my cousin posted a picture of my girls on her Instagram page while praising me for being
an awesome mom. I was surprised by her words of praise and the picture of my beautiful girls smiling back at me. I was moved to tears. Other than my husband, it's very rare for someone to give me a pat on the back and tell me that I'm doing a great job.  Why is that?

A mother's job is to love, to nurture, to raise their little ones in a positive light, shielding them from all the negative. We don't do it for the money (Ha! That was a joke). We don't do it just so we can turn around and boast about all our hard work and the plight of a mom.

We certainly don't do it for the praise. However, it's always nice when our hard work is noticed. I realized that yesterday when I read my cousin's post. A lot of people assume it's our job as a mom to do all those things that we do. They don't realize the sacrifices we make to raise happy kids.  Only we, as parents, know all of the ins and outs of what it took to get us here. Most of the time we are so blinded by love that we don't even acknowledge making sacrifices, because that's not what they are, they are life choices made in the name of love.

The reason I got choked up when I read my cousin's post wasn't because she was giving me kudos for being a great mom. It was because she was acknowledging that my kids are "happy" and "spunky." My goal as a mom is to have happy kids, to give them the childhood I didn't have. When someone other than myself or my husband acknowledges our kids happiness, it's like I just won the lottery.

My life can't get any better than it is right now.

I don't know what the future holds. All I have is right now. And right now, I have health, happiness, and the beautiful sunny California weather on my side. A perfect Sunday for a picnic at the park!

Friday, February 6, 2015

A Blessing and a Curse

Career? What career?!

That's what my brain is saying to my heart these days. My brain, the logical, make a list and weigh the pros and cons, part of my body knew becoming a stay at home mom was going to hurt my career in the long run. However, my heart, the emotional, I'm not going to think about it right now because I'm too busy feeling all this love, part of my body just wanted to hold and nurture her babies and never be apart from them! I guess there really was no middle ground, no halfway. It's not like my career was flourishing at the time. It was hardly existent. So, which path to take was pretty obvious for me, because it was really the only one. Unfortunately, I didn't pick a very cut and dry profession. The land of entertainment journalism is a tough and tricky one to maintain and grow in. So, when husband and I decided to try for baby #1, the web-site I was working at had just gone bust due to the recession and I was in dire need of a break from months of countless hosting auditions that were getting me nowhere! 

I got pregnant almost instantly and when Lily hit 8 months, I was surprised to find out that I was almost 2 months pregnant with Darya. There you have it. My path was chosen for me. I became a mother of 2 under 2 with no time to even think about all those previous years I had spent in pursuit of being a successful career lady.  It's not like, being a mother of 2 little ones, I had time to even send out my resume and demo reel...hell, I barely had time to shove food down my throat eat something before one (or both) of them started crying, needed a diaper change, needed to be fed! While they napped, I quickly took care of my needs: bathroom, food in my belly, few sips of coffee(!), breathe....and they're awake again. The amount of times I heated and re-heated my coffee in the span of a day was depressing. As a coffee lover, there's nothing worse than burnt coffee.  Alas, with a blink of an eye, the years passed! Lily turns 5 this month! My babies are now full grown, talking (back), grabbing snacks out of the fridge (leaving the door wide open as they run off with their item of choice), dressing themselves (a tornado hits their bedroom every morning in the process), we still have a few malfunctions. I still need to break up their fights, wash their bottom after they've pooped, pour their juice, put them in time out...but, they no longer cry when they see me getting ready to leave them. They no longer need me the way they used to. For that reason, I can be away and be at peace. My heart and mind have both given me the green light. I'm ready to put a third of the focus back on me.

Which is where the curse comes in...who the heck wants to hire someone who has been a stay at home mom for half a decade. I'm not fresh and new. With two young kids, companies could see me as a liability. Last week I applied for a handful of jobs within my area of expertise: investigative reporter, writer and producer, assistant editor. Every position explained that the hours are long and far exceeding the required 40 with nights and weekends expected as meeting deadlines are crucial. Who expects a stay at home mom to be able to keep up with the fast paced entertainment industry and be okay with not getting home in time to tuck their kids into bed? I wouldn't hire me! As much as I would love for them to take a chance on me, I can't blame them that they aren't.  This is my curse. I'm trying to figure it out, find my way, but it's hard and sometimes sad. But when I think about how I could have done it differently, I really don't think there was any other way for me at the time. Which is why I have to believe that I'm living out my life's path just as I'm supposed to and I have to keep doing what my instincts tell me is right until new paths open up.


Thursday, February 5, 2015

Mommy Hard At Work

1st Date Night with Hubby
Post Lily, Pre Darya
Probably the last time I looked this good!
As someone who has been in the working world (and by that I mean a clock in & clock out, paying job) since high school, I can easily say that my being a mom has been the most grueling job yet.  Kids are hard work. And as a mom, you are definitely putting in the hours (there's no 9-5 here, you are on the clock at all times, my friend). I remember, not too long ago, when my girls were too little to be left alone for even a second that I had to patiently wait (sometimes for days) before someone else was at hand to watch them just so I could take a shower. Yoga pants, slouchy shirts, hair in a bun--the just woke up look was my all day ensemble.  Being able to (and by that I mean having the time, the energy, and enough sleep in my system to even care to) go to the bathroom and fix my hair and wear make up is such a luxury!  Yea, there's no sugar coating it, when you're a mom you literally put in blood, sweat and tears raising your babies! It's not just time consuming and hard work, it's also a physical and emotional feat.  From even before a woman gets pregnant, the hardship begins. The emotions of trying to get pregnant, the hormones that kick in once we do. The 9 months when that sweet baby is growing inside you, your body is experiencing all the changes that come with being pregnant. I remember when I was pregnant with Lily I looked great. Everybody would comment on how my face glowed, my hair was thick and shiny.  My body got big in all the right places. I looked hot as a pregnant lady...from the outside. Inside, I was a big ball of pregnancy hormones one second away from combustion! I cried at the drop of a dime. I was forgetful. I was always franticly worried about whether my baby was okay, if she would be born healthy. I went cold turkey on my coffee consumption (not even decaf), and I stopped eating everything I was told may be harmful to my baby. I'd panic with crazy thoughts: what if my baby choked on the umbilical chord while I was sleeping? Then in my third trimester, the sciatic pains kicked in and all of a sudden I was experiencing a whole new level of pain and even less sleep than I was already getting!  Let me tell you, all that is nothing compared to how much your life changes once your precious baby is born! I didn't scooch over a little to make room for a baby in my life. THE BABY BECAME MY LIFE, MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE. I couldn't part from her. I was worried all the time! I was researching, reading, making sure I was on top of her sleeping and eating because it was a critical part of her brain growth. When she woke in the mornings I would take her to the living room and dance around with her in my arms as I sang her songs. I would engage in conversations with her because it was an important part of her growth process. I was physically exhausted and emotionally spent. Yet, I'd never felt more fulfilled. Seeing Lily's little face smiling up at me as she wriggled her body, her arms and legs flailing in the air (I'm putting it mildly when I say she was an energetic baby) I couldn't be happier.  Fast forward to today and well, I've basically been a stay at home/full time mom for the last 5 years. It's been both a great blessing and a curse that I now have to face-I'll discuss this one small yet very powerful sentence in detail in my next blog post!

I'm exhausted just looking at these pictures!
The beautiful thing is I remember it as though it was yesterday! 
Becoming a mom has been the hardest job I've ever had to take on. However, there is something that I wish I could scream over the rooftop address in respect to being a stay at home mom. WE ARE NOT LAYING AROUND CHILLAXING WITH OUR KIDS, ENJOYING SOME NON EXISTENT VACATION! I hate that non-parents (and the older folks whose kids are all grown up and so they've forgotten how hard it is caring for a kid) always make stupid comments-assuming I have TIME on my hands. LISTEN UP. From the moment I wake up to the moment I put my kids to sleep, I AM ON MY FEET!

Sticky fingers, mischievous stare.
They're not making my job any easier! 
I actually got a temporary retail job as a form of my very own guilty paid vacation where I could get dressed up, do my hair, where my nice clothes and mingle with adults all day. A refreshing change to my slave labor at home. Let me tell you, by day 2, my already appreciative husband was calling me at work praising my hard work at home as a mom and (his exact words) "how did you do it?!" Of course, my husband is very hands on, and he managed perfectly fine without me-but he acknowledged the exhaustion that comes with being a stay at home parent-and the acknowledgement and praise in itself is very gratifying--and most times, a parent's only form of pay! I love being a mom. I love that I have been blessed with TWO beautiful little girls. If I could, I'd honestly have two more! But...and it's a big but (part of the whole blessing and curse that I'll write about tomorrow)...there's so many other things I still want to do while I'm still young enough to do it! Being a mom is hard work. The hardest and most selfless job in the world. I think I'm ready to put myself back in the picture again. Meet halfway between selfless and selfish and learn to do me while still being a good mom.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey. Quite the conundrum.

9 more days until we see our beloved Christian Grey on the big screen!

Like most of you women out there, I can't wait to watch Fifty Shades of Grey in the theaters!

A poorly written erotica focused on BDSM, a man who doesn't know how to love and a girl who is so young, innocent and naive you really want to slap some sense into her. And yet, I loved the book! I couldn't put it down! It followed me to the kitchen, to the bathroom, to the gym, on the couch, the dining table where I ate my meals. I don't know how many pages the actual book is, but I read 500 something pages of the e-book version in its entirety--in one bloody day! Me! A mother of 2 who never has time to put her laundry away! Now that for me, is seriously Fifty Shades of F*@$d up!

Here are all the other reasons why the book is fifty shades of messed up for me:

For starters, I ordered the book off my phone, inconspicuously, 3 years after it was already a New York Times Bestseller and a fan crazed phenomena because I was, quite frankly, way too embarrassed to read it, be caught reading it or admit to reading it! Calling my inner Ana, or as Ana herself refers to as her inner goddess. Hi, it's me, meek, timid, shy and unaware that being bad feels so good! How are you? It's so good to finally meet you!

Charlie Hunnam. My Mr. Grey.
Second, this whole controversy over who will play our beloved Christian Grey (I'll get to him in a minute) has been stirring up women's hormones and messing with their state of mind for way too long. I know, through a friend, that there was a huge war with fans over a few Hollywood names that were possible prospects. Ian Somerhalder and Matt Bomer were two of those names. Being that I came on the scene 3 years too late (story of my life), I bypassed all that craziness. Yet, somehow I really didn't!  When I first read the book, I imagined-just as EL James wanted me to- a copper haired, gray eyed, beauty of a man with a perfect physique (of course). The crazy thing is, even though I had yet to watch my first Sons of Anarchy episode (yup, 3 years too late to that craze too) I imagined someone who looked a lot like Charlie Hunnam!

It was when I got to my last page of the book at about 2:30 in the middle of the night that I let out a heartfelt "Noooooo!" and instead of rolling over and going to sleep, I went on Youtube to watch the recently released trailer for the movie. WTF. I was not happy with the guy they had cast (he's grown on me a bit, but I'm still quite skeptical) he looked more like a good looking computer whiz who works for a Fortune 500 company than the badass Christian Grey I had spent the entire day reading and fantasizing about.  Then I came across Charlie Hunnam, the actor who was supposed to play Grey but backed out due to scheduling conflicts with his hit show, Sons of Anarchy...holy mother of hell, are you f-ing kidding me? And that my readers is how I became obsessed with a fan of Charlie Hunnam  Sons of Anarchy!

Here's another thing that's kind of messed up. I spent the entire day yesterday re-reading the book--in excitement of the film's release in about a week--but, this time around I read the book with Charlie Hunnam/Jax Teller as Christian Grey.  Spot on. I'm hoping the movie in my head isn't better than the actual movie! Don't let me down Jamie Dornam, please!

Okay, so let's get to this Christian Grey, 50 shades of messed up in the head, not a hearts and flowers kind of guy! I'm sorry, but this cold and heartless BDSM lover is more romantic and in tune with what women want than 50 normal (real live-not characters in a book) men put together! For a man who doesn't know how to love, he sure as hell does it well! Isn't that why every woman who has read the book has fallen in love with him? A beautiful specimen of a man who is beyond wealthy and successful, talented in so many ways (plays the piano, flies planes, runs a multi-million dollar company, all while courting Ana). Speaking of courting, the man only has eyes for Ana, isn't even aware of all the flustered admirers--come on! In real life, you glance over at a guy, any guy, and he automatically thinks "she wants me" yet this perfect man is oblivious to his perfection and the swarm of lusting eyes that only Ana sees...because he only has eyes for Ana. Just as he is her first, she is also his first in so many ways! So sweet, so romantic, so far fetched yet every woman's fantasy. Fifty Shades of Grey you are pulling on my heartstrings and I don't like it! I wish in real life a girl could email her lover that she missed him and wished he was there and viola! ten minutes later he's lurking in her bedroom or even better, hops on his jet to fly 3,000 miles to see her. All men should "aim to please" like that. Shouldn't they? Oh, if only! I suppose the book would have been boring and mundane and certainly not such a phenomenon if every man was as amazing as Christian Grey.

Last but not least, here's what is really Fifty Shades of all kinds of F*#@ed up for me, as an english major and a writer. To be blunt, the book is written very poorly. There are grammatical errors, words and phrases used and re-used time and time again! The amount of times Ana thought to herself, "Oh my!" is nauseating. The amount of times she "came undone" is an exasperating double eye-roll (no one around to spank me into submission). The author, EL James had said in an interview that she wrote the book on her blackberry during her train rides to and from work! Considering how basic the book is, I believe that! There's a reason I managed to read it so fast, it's an easy read! But, here's what's crazy...I also read it so fast because I couldn't put it down. I was hanging on to every word, because EL James brilliantly wrote a novel encompassing every woman's fantasy.  Hot rich guy. Hot, anything but vanilla, sex. Hot cars and Hot adventures. We are all living through Ana as we read. And, I believe most of us are as innocent and naive as Ana when it comes to matters of the heart. We relate to her conflicting heart because we'd be equally conflicted!

EL James, you have single handedly written (excuse the pun) a perfect novel for our "we want more" generation and caused quite a conundrum with a woman's want to be strong, independent and in control versus their need and desire to submit and give everything they can, all in the name of love.  

Monday, February 2, 2015

Blogging with Purpose

I love to write. I always have. I've kept journals since childhood. Playing with words to release emotions stirred from teenage angst.

While pregnant with my girls I kept journals as well. Writing letters to Lily while she was still growing inside me, expressing my desire to be the best mommy I could possibly be. Journaling her strong kicks, my food cravings, and the erratic hormonal behavior I can now look back on and laugh about! I have letters that prove I thought Darya was my angel baby: she was born with barely a whimper before falling asleep in my arms, she slept most of the days and nights, only waking to be fed and, unlike Lily, my breast milk was more than enough for her! I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't journaled it. Watching this 3 year old chatterbox storming around the house with her loud voice and bossy demands, my husband teases, "She's your sweet angel baby, right honey?"

Things change. Moments pass. New memories are made. I want to remember all of it. I want to be able to look back. And, when my kids are older, I want to have them be able to reflect as well: through pictures and videos, but most of all, through words. It's the words that can express the emotions and feelings, set the backdrop that a picture or video can't. Though all 3 together are best. But, if I were to choose to read the book or watch the movie, I would always pick the book. Always! The book sets the characters feelings and emotions through the thoughts they are having in their head. The narrator tells you their social status, what their home is like, their neighbors, the neighborhood! Word by word, every scene is set, every emotion felt, every image picture perfectly created in your head. The book illustrates every tiny, important detail that always goes unnoticed in movies. Which is why when you read a book, you get inside the characters, feel their feelings, live their life, you fall in love with one while despising the other--so strongly that you swear they were real.
Words are powerful stuff. 
It was about mid-March of last year that I began to really work on my novel. For a few months I got into a routine and I was on a roll! Then my routine was interrupted by life and I went a few months where I wasn't writing. Then I figured out a way to get back into it again and was writing away. Then my routine came to a halt yet again. Do you see the pattern here? I need to make writing an essential part of my everyday life. That's where my blog comes in. Blogging allows me write, to release, to meet and connect with other writers and ultimately it will serve as motivation to write my novel.

I'm blogging with a purpose. I blog for my kids. I blog to feed my passion and maintain self happiness. I blog to reach out to readers who can relate to my posts. And, hopefully one day soon, those same readers will enjoy my book!

Sunday, February 1, 2015


January 1
Kicked off the New Year with a BBQ
and CRAZY night with friends
The arcade ride at California Adventure
is SUPER fun! 2 thumbs up by all of us!
January 5
Experienced FROZEN at
Disneyland's California
Adventures Park
I rocked my Ariel sweatshirt proudly
January 7
Our Disneyland annual pass
came to a bittersweet end...
In between all the hard work, there was a lot of fun and play! 

Weekly gymnastics
January 17
The Laker's celebrated the end
of the basketball season
January 13
I began my blog-venture!
January 15
Darya's first day at ballet
January 18
Roller Skate Birthday Party!

January 18
Lily was intent on learning how to roller skate
Darya just wanted to shake it on the dance floor

January 25
Frisbee, softball, bike riding, playground!

Perfect day for a picnic at the park 
Ready for February!